Stars and stripes, soccer moms, and hot dogs are minuet things that symbolize America, but what defines countries beyond our own? A main factor that makes up Afghanistan culture is family structure.
In rural Afghanistan, families include a man's mother and father, his wife or wives, young children, grown sons and their families, and unmarried female relatives. The more wealthy families have housing for their guests in their kalas (a walled compound), and are ready to shelter and entertain anyone who shall drop by. Travelers are more than welcome for the news they bring and the chance for new conversation.
Even in the cities, people live in extended family units. The women and/or caretakers of the households form work groups; and discipline and nurture the children. The active senior male member, often a grandfather, takes care of all expenditures, and the grandmother oversees all household work assignments.
Afghan adults work constantly and intensively but along side of their hard work, a major hobby is entertaining guests. “Afghan society places much emphasis on hospitality and the rules of etiquette that distinguish good behavior toward guests. By disregarding social niceties a person diminishes the reputation of both the immediate family and the extended family or group. Conversely, families gain respect, maintain status and enhance their standing in the community through exemplary behavior.” These get togethers occur during weekends and sometimes even on weekday nights. The mothers of the households will normally stay home if they have small children, but on top of their motherly duties they are also very busy with household responsibilities and the extensive visiting. One of the most critical Afghan values is hospitality. It requires a very clean house and an abundant of food prep. In Khaled Hosseini’s novel, The Kite Runner, one of the main characters, Baba, is big into family and friend gatherings and constant entertaining. He would light his yard with multiple strings of lights; the food supply was over-flowing, meat grilling, glasses clinking, and everyone laughing.
Another thing that symbolizes Afghan family structure is privacy. They like high amounts of privacy and view family matters as strictly private. They are often reluctant to speak of personal and family issues with anyone outside of the family, including doctors. It is known to be an act or revenge for a male to show interest in another mans female relatives.
Afghan traditional views on what makes up proper family relationships are opposite from American values. For instance, polygamy is permitted in Afghanistan, as long as the male is able to financially support each wife equally. Although, in previous years, majority of males have stayed with one woman, because they could not financially afford multiple. Families also arrange marriages in Afghanistan. However, there is a large amounts of variation that is put into the marriage matching. In Afghan rural areas, the groom will not see the bride until they are engaged or even until their wedding day.
